TMG Scale 6.5
Starring Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Mickey Rourke

Consuming the “superhero” genre is to TMG what eating cantaloupe is to my dog.  She will approach it gingerly and eat it cautiously but she clearly is confused as to whether the world somehow ran out of hotdogs.  TMG acknowledges that almost every thirteen-year-old boy in the universe will exit this movie extolling this as the best film he has ever seen.  This is why it grossed over $100 million the first weekend out.  TMG found Iron Man II marginally worth his two hours stranded in Lexington, Kentucky awaiting United Airlines to go bankrupt or fly him home.   The script and directing was silly at best but then again, this is a superhero movie. And, Tarantino was apparently not available.

Don Cheadle had a supporting role but no supporting script or lines.  I am sure Cheadle went back to his trailer during this film and cursed at least a few times as to when he would be given at least one line that wasn’t rejected as too stupid for Lou (Chappy Sinclair) Gossett  in Iron Eagle II. TMG might also wager that Samuel Jackson chewed out his former agent “This was not Batman bro!” (Can’t you just hear him?)  But I am sure Jackson got plenty of cash to soften the blow and he could take some consolation his character name in this flick was “Nick Fury.”  For certain, Scarlett Johansson should have had more exposure in this film than Mickey Rourke—and I am not just talking skin here.  She was good.

I can hear a chorus right now of young male adults dissing TMG and protesting “Dude, I thought it was pretty good.” Good? No.  Good only in the same sense that Buffalo Wild Wings is considered a “good” restaurant and a “good” diet by many of you.  And TMG would bet you a few ‘brews’ your girlfriend (no one was dumb enough to take their wife…were they?)  will force you to see the next three Sarah Jessica Parker films if you mistakenly dragged her along.  This film is certainly “safe” for any kid but I whole-heartedly suggest that moms get their nails done while the kiddos head to the mall for this one.

This movie really confused any remaining distinctions between where computer generated graphics begin, and human acting ends.  TMG loved Avatar.  But before TMG heads off to Iron Man III or Iron Eagle III, I am going to split a nice, cool cantelope with my dog Abby.