TMG Scale 3.0     P Factor 0.0     MPAA Rating: PG-13
Staring Taylor Lautner, Sigourney Weaver, Maria Bello, Jason Isaacs

Ever had the weird feeling that you were adopted and no one told you? Ever feel that maybe your parents are not who they say they are? Maybe your Dad was really a covert CIA operative but he could not tell you?  Do you remember that idea from History of Violence in 2005?   The idea is a cool set up for a good thriller, but you have to execute it right. This film failed at so many levels.

My biggest concern in the first few minutes was that no high school kid tries to imitate Tayleor Lautner riding on the hood of a car going 75 mph down a winding highway. Such a stunt is not fun or funny. It is not even physically possible.  It is certain death and adds zero to anything in this film. Getting drunk and passing out on a girlfriend’s lawn also adds zilch.  My second concern was wondering when all of the wherewolves and vampires were going to show up. Then I relaized this was not a Twighlight Saga film. For better or worse, Lautner has a long way to go to shake that image.

Lautner plays Nathan, a high school kid and only child living in upper middle class suburbia. His “Dad” indulges him in mixed martial arts and literally tries to beat the living crap out of him for no apparent reason.  In a coincidence of the century, Nathan gets a homework assignment sending him to search the web for his look alike as a young child. He finds his own child photograph on a missing person site. Before  dear old Mom (Bello) and Dad (Isaacs) can explain where little Nathan came from, they are assasinated. As if he was impregnated by Jason Bourne’s sperm, Nathan takes off running trying to figure it all out. Of course, he takes his girlfriend along.

Nothing makes much sense from here on out. The totally ginned up character of his psychologist (Weaver)  really being his guardian angel in some obscure witness protection program is just not credible. What his Dad really did, who killed his mom and why he is on the run from pretty much everyone is never really developed or explained. We just get heaps of espionage, trained assassins and CIA coverups. We are offered some ridiculous scenario of a super secret list of double agents he has on his cell phone that both good guys (whoever they are) and bad guys will kill for. Word for the wise: If it resides on a cell phone you can crack or hack … why all the running around to get it? Worst line of the film (by a CIA guy): “Get this situation under control before it gets messier.” I wanted to say the same thing about the film. But, a PG-13 thriller for the youngsters with a P Factor 0.0 and only rated PG-13, I guess it may have its place.

That’s it. Some high school tweens will like this film for Lautner’s abs and sex appeal and the silly high school romance and adventure that plays along. Lautner does little for TMG, but Sigourney Weaver still looks damn good for turning 62 on October 8, 2011. Just sayin.